February 4, 2007
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I’d like your opinions on this: Single parents: insight into their lives. A lot of single Moms feel inferior. My take on this is this: Kids are made for a two parent family. The typical Mom’s role is that of a nurturer. The typical Dad role is of a disciplinarian. -(Sometimes those roles are switched.) Well when a Mom has to play both roles it throws her off and she tends to go more towards a disciplinarian. That in itself takes her out of her role and makes her feel like she’s not a good parent.
We went to a surprise birthday party for a friend of mine last night. (He didn’t look very surprised.) It was fun.
Comments (35)
I do both but when they don’t listen then my hubby enforce it.
Well the surprise part is always more fun for everyone else then it is for the person being surprised any way. lol
Can’t really offer an opinion on the single parenting thing. I’m so grateful every day that I’m not one.
Hope church goes well today. I should be refreshing myself on my lesson… two more minutes and then I’m off the computer… really. lol
Have a great Sunday. ang
i love the cartoon! as a mom of three myself, i can’t imagine not having my partner to help me out on occasion! go single moms!!!!
ideally they are made for two parents but as you know in amazing numbers they are under the wings of one parent yes the feamale is the nutuurer ideally but in these days & times she wears many hats even a father’s hat i can see why one would be overwhelmed it is a role reversal from how God intended for woman to be man’s helpmate well in my view it goes both ways we each as human beings are made with a “male” & feamale” side each eqipped to nutture is is most often the fathers who shun responsibility in these situations no wonder incidents of breast cancers are so high woman have so many “suckling” at them at home at work spiritual financial emotional responsibilities her load has grown tremendously over time so overwhelmed is a better word i believe than inferior we both know that isn’t true have a great Sunday blessings beck
The Colonel’s Wife is a single parent most of the time because I am gone so much… parenting in general is very difficult… maybe something else is making those women feel inferior… perhaps that sense of inferiority comes from having a failed marriage / relationship then dealing with the kids alone? I know a bunch of single mom’s, I’ve not noticed this trend, but then again, I don’t counsel them either.
I ALWAYS felt inferior as a single mom. I worked so much for an hourly wage, couldn’t afford to take time off …. I missed a lot of school stuff. We didn’t have a lot of money for trips, vacations and luxuries in general. I felt like a failure a lot of times – and there were many, many times when it was all I could do to pay the rent and feed us.
i feel single mothers need to be counseled by a single mother who has “overcome” all this situation presents not to diminish your work at all but we are tested & healed so we may come from place of true compassion one of experience i have always seen messes made of lives when non alcoholics or addicts are “counseled” or treated by ones who have not experienced that in their lifetime so it is with other of our ills it by sharing our experiences strength & hope we can better assist others in areas of our “expertise” or one time bafflement blessings beck
Hi Randy,
Boggle, I guess, isn’t really a board game. It is a game with approximately 36 cubes which have a letter of the alphabet on each cube. Each cube has its own place on a square grid. This cube-filled grid has a lid. Can have 2-6 players. The lid-covered grid is shaken and each cube settles into its own place on the grid. The lid is removed and there is a timer. All players look at the alphabet grid and make as many words as they can up/down/diagonal/adjacent in the allotted times. Points are given for each word depending on the length and the person with the most points wins.
I bet I’ve thoroughly confused you?
Christy
RYC Yes,
“For God so loved the World…” is probably one of the better known verses in the Bible and it has such great impact. I often wonder if ppl really realize what a huge sacrifice God made to send his only son to us, his errant children. Knowing that his son was going to be beaten, tortured, ridiculed and put to death by the very ppl he came to give good news to must have been very hard–thinking of it from a human perspective…
When I think of it, I wonder if I could willingly sacrifice my daughter in that way. It would be nearly impossible for me to do so.
Thanks for stopping by.
Christy
I think the presence of the 2 parents in a family is a equilibrium factor for the children . For the single mothers there is a hard ambiguity . They do for the best but it is not easy for them .
I hope your last wek went well !
In frienship
michel
being a single father is hard also
I think single parents are just exhausted and that makes them feel inferior… it seems like everyone has more enrgy… I feel this way sometimes, being an old parent… all of 10′s friends parents are about 10 years younger than DH and I… they have more energy and endurance… I am old and tired…. but I get over it, and we go on… I think for single parents it would be cool to have some kind of program for the kids , so the parent can just take a nap sometimes….
Randy,
Your theory on single vs married moms is…..well…interesting. You are certainly welcome to your view of single moms…
Does your wife wait to direct or discipline your children until YOU can do it when you get home? Are you the “heavy”?? If so, how do your children view you?? How do you nurture your children?
There are effective techniques for guiding children which do not necessarily demand 2 parents..
PS I am not a single parent. I agree to a certain extent with you and you are welcome to keep your view.. I always think it’s better to have TWO parents or TWO adults guiding a child, but not because one is the nurturer and the other the disciplinarian. I believe that two adults need to plan and discuss the guiding of their children.. Each parent brings their own strengths/weaknesses to the parenting table. Hopefully, one’s weaknesses as a parent can be balanced by the others’ strength in that same area. THAT is why I think two parents are vital for a child.
What do you think?
Christy
Being a single parent in general is very difficult. But I believe that gender roles are becoming less and less important in this day of age. Parents don’t have to feel “inferior” for taking on the role that they aren’t traditionally associated with. These days, parents need to be able to manage both roles in order to get by.
My opinion is that you’re correct . . . the intent is for children to be raised by two parents of different genders. Deviation from this intent leads to destruction.
Unfortunately, the situation you’re in means that particular horse has kind of already left the barn. The church in America should really step up and fill these gaps. But, in my experiences, modern churches are corrupt and incompetent.
Which kind of leaves you in a foxhole on the frontlines without much support.
HA!~ LOL I loved the cartoon! And you are so very right. I think this also applies to families that the dad does not take an active role in training up the child. For instance the dad that says ” I worked all day I need time to myself” is in fact is seriously missing out on the joy of really knowing your child. I think it’s unfortunate and I see alot of this. I am very fortunate that God has graced me with a great daddy for my daughter. She will be a better person for it and so will I.
~ Blessings to you, Becca
all:whats up
hehe looks nice eh? unfortunately its fake. just something i would wear to a cqb airsoft game
I like driving the school bus, it’s part time only in the AM,,,then I go to my regular job…have a great day…Mike
Before “motherhood”, dare I write this, a certain maturity of “mind, disposition, morality and dedication” must be in place. This job, legally, is for a minimum of 18 years, with no pension or recompense, and a maximum of over the lifetime of a child(ren).
When my son was offered the “excuse” as to why a man, under his command in the military, was not up to par…and the excuse was that he didn’t “understand” what it was like to grow up in a home without a father, my son would chuckle. He told his men, when it was absolutely necessary, he too grew up without a father present and that his mother was forced into a position of being both parents, as best I could. He told them that I was the “benchmark of motherhood.” And although he said I was a superior mom, I fell short of being the man.
I disciplined my children, because I loved them! I felt no guilt, because I loved them. My daughter has told me that life for her as a child was an “adventure.” She got away with nothing, nor did my son. I held them accountable. They understood there were laws…by God….in the home…and in civil society. When the rules were broken…accountability and a reprimand was in order. I held 4 part time jobs down which allowed me to be in the home to send them off to school, be home for them upon their arrival, serve them supper, bathe them and hear their prayers before they went to bed, which was always early. During the summer months, my sister would live with me to take care of my babies while I worked at one or two of my jobs. It was so difficult. I was young and wanted to have a responsible less life but they didn’t ask to be born. However, they were my purpose…not my burden.
One day, their father went out to get a pack of cigaretts….and never came home again. We did hear from him…once…and he said that I was enough “parent” to make the difference up in his absence. I did not know how capable I was then, as a young woman. My children love me and have often told me, I was “always” there. How could that be, you ask??? Because I loved them…still do….and LOVE moves mountains.
Any woman in that position, today, can achieve the same thing. She just has to set her priorities straight and be willing to make the sacrifice. That standard alone diffuses low self-esteem or guilt. It gives you something to seriously think about and ACT upon.
been painting to day
I’m not a single parent. My hat is off to anyone who is. God bless them and send some one to hold up their hands when they get weary!
LOL at your comment.
I have been blessed to have a stay at home mom with my kids, but always was there to back her up. I was raised after 13 year of age in a single male household. My father expected us to do right and gave us more freedom than we should have had, but since the Lord was #1 in my life, it was great and I was good. Single parents have it so tough because there is no releif in many cases.
Thank you for coming by and leaving your condolences. It was my appreciated.
Read back on your blog a bit. So, you have 8 children. Bless you! Our two sons have 6 children each. After having only two children, I never thought God would bless us with 12 grandchildren. They range from 4 to 23, and are all turning out to be good Christian young people. Both mother and father play such a big role in their lives. It is tough being a single mom. But, I think if there is a good support system (exended family or even good friends) for the mom, it really helps.
When raising our boys, I was the primary disciplinarian—mostly because I was with them when they were little. As they aged, my discipline didn’t mean as much to them as when their dad stepped in. They were used to my discipline. When Dad disciplined, it was SERIOUS!! But, truthfully, we were both consistent, and that was the most important. We didn’t undermine each other where discipline was concerned. They knew that if they couldn’t get away with something with me, they weren’t going to get away with it with Dad.
Thanks again for stopping by. I will be back again to visit you!
I dunnooooooooo looks pretty miserable tooooooooo meeeeeeeeeeee!
RYC Thanks for letting me know your opinion regarding the message I last made to you.
It’s nearly the beginning of another work week for me.
Have a good week and keep in touch. I love to hear what other ppl are doing in their lives. I love challenging questions..and “what would you do if…” questions.
You certainly have a potentially rewarding job in talking and counseling others who seek your advice.May God richly bless the services you provide with others.
Christy
Not sure what to tell you my opinion is….I have been fortunate enough to have my hubby by my side for the parenting of 4 children gig. I can’t even imagine trying to do it alone. I truly am in awe of parents who have no choice but to. They have my utmost respect. Have a great evening!
I think you’re right on about the single parent thing.
As far as national disasters go, my first one was 9/11. I went to NYC twice (I actually got involved w/the Red Cross so I could go–I LOVE NY!! Then I fell in love w/the Red Cross *smile*). Then: Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Katrina, & Hurricane Wilma. I haven’t been called yet, so I might not have to go. God’s will! Take care & God bless!
painting one of are bathrooms
I have been a single parent for pretty much the whole time I raised my kids. I tend to hang out with other parents and mostly married friends. While they cant be a help in parenting they are a great support for when I second guess myself. I always have been open to their advice. My kids have turned out great but it has not been easy. Bonus of being a single parent – I get all the credit for how great they are! HA!
I have a good friend who is a single mom and I know how hard it is for her!
God meant for kids to have both parents…but that is not the way of the world today. When I was a kid you were the oddity if your parents were divorced….when my kids were in school they were the oddity because they came from a home where the mom and dad were their mom and dad and had been married for years. Times have changed! Single parents need our love and support…offering to babysit, take over a meal, have them over to our homes, include their kids in our activities, etc.
God bless you for your work with kids and parents.
we both do the discipline, but my role is the nurturer, first and foremost.
I am married, but I’ve always had an inferiority complex. It is, I think a learned
thing with me. My parents were good……people, don’t get me wrong. But, I
suffered alot in school. (Typical nerdy kid)–and I was sensitive to boot…..and
well still am. My doctor said, she wished she could put confidence into a bottle
and give me a good dose of it…..cause she’d said, I’m such a sweet person. It’s just
something, I’ve never learned and never dealt well with. R. Hood
Children need both parents. However, just being present in the house does not make one a parent. Don’t know about feelings of inferiority, but maybe it’s guilt from harsh feelings toward the absent parent.
My parents divorced when I was pretty young, so I was mostly raised by my mom. She wasn’t the disciplinarian at all really, but she was the firm, nurturing mother. It’s hard to generalize these things. Each child is different. Each single parent (dad’s too!) is different. It’s hard to predict how each reacts differently. Some children may not be a discipline problem and others may. Some parents may have issues with over-discipline or over-nurturing (smothering).
That being said, I do agree that single moms do feel inferior. Hmm… that may be a bit strong. I’d say that their confidence is shattered so that their self-esteem is lowered, especially if the reason for their being single is because of an affair. They need someone they can talk to who makes them feel beautiful, strong, and confident…. without becoming too attached… it’s a difficult ministry to be in!
You might read To Own A Dragon by Donald Miller. It’s the perspective of a boy being raised without a father. Not exactly on topic here, but a good read nonetheless.