You are in a crisis and you go to a friend. You talk to that friend about your crisis and your friend tells you about their own crisis or their past crisis.
How do you feel about that? Is is OK to do that or not?
i think a friend should listen to ur problem then if he/she doesn’t know what advice to give to me then they can tell me about their experience.
Well, I guess it would depend on how it was presented. If it was presented in Christian love as an example of how they got out of the crisis, it’s one thing. If it was presented to minimize your crisis with no help of solving it, that is completely wrong.
It depends. If they’ve listened FIRST to what I’ve said and THEN told me about THEIR situation to encourage or instruct me somehow, that’s ONE thing.
If they just use MY problems as a springboard to vent THEIR problems WITHOUT listening to me…..THAT is wrong.
And, there are times when ALL of us just need a listening ear!!!!
hmmm….well, if they are using their crisis or past crisis to use as an example of some sort to help with your crisis, then i think its ok…but if you came to them for help or greater understanding, then they should just listen to you and lend support. i have a freind that i have known since high school that can turn absolutely any conversation around into it being all about her, and i have to admit that it has put a strain on our friendship to a certain extent….and i rarely go to her with problems or issues anymore. it doesn’t matter how serious my own issue or problem might be….the conversation always turns around to being about her. this can be hard to deal with…..
I’d like to hear his or her problem, but only after I’ve told him or her mine, since I went to that person first, after all.
I remember once, I had cut the back of my heel on the bottom of a screen door and I went to a neighbor for a large bandaid, and she started telling me about how she’s had to learn not to stress out about so much as a way to tell me that I should take it easy — all I wanted was a band-aid! As the others have said, it depends on the situation and the person. I rarely go to anyone with my big heartaches anymore; too many experiences like nunyaincognito. I take it to the Lord.
It isn’t a very nice thing to do although we all want the other person to understand that we have empathy for their plight… which is why most of us do it… Sometimes our friends really just want to hear a there, there, it will be ok…
Well, don’t we all?
It’s not only alright it neccessary. Infact in my mind I have a little file that says ,”if and when that ever happens to me she or he will be who I first go to.”
It depends. If they listen first and the crisis is relevant to your crisis. Hearing about how they pulled through could be a huge help. If they just brush you off and start going on about their crisis then that isn’t a true friend.
I agree with mkgf ^^^^ … If they hear MY story and then they share something that they went through that can relate to my problem, I’m all for it — especially if they pulled through and are a living testament! How encouraging would that be. Blessings ~Carolyn
As long as the sharing doesn’t overshadow what you need to get from the talk, it’s good. Sometimes we just want someone to listen to what we need to share. We already know what to do with it, we just need to unload it.
Yes, it is.
There is a Fawlty Towers episode where Basil is as usual bemoaning himself when his wife reminds him to bear up because there is always someone somewhere who is worse off than him. Basil snaps, “Oh really? Well I’d like to meet him. I could use a laugh.”
Cool! You were a Mcmanager too! I was crew and worked my way up to first assistant manager, in fact that’s how I met my hubbie… he was my boss till we got together and then I had to transfer stores whoopsie LOL. Anyway, yep my hubbie has been a Mcmanager for almost 15 years and has worked up to being an area supervisor ( the guy who is the boss of the head manager. Boy is he good at it too… I could never do his job!! …. of course he says he could never do mine either! (stay at home mom)
Were you a swing, salaried or head manager and for how long? Sure can be fun huh!!
Sometimes I find it helpful when others tell me of their experiences and how they dealt with their crisis. Sometimes I am able to apply the same method to my own problem. Hope you are having a great day!
Generally I would say just listen. Most people just want to be heard when in a crisis situation. There may be a time later to discuss your own “me too”, but personally, I would try to avoid it.
I have friends that do that to me. I just listen and hopefully learn something from their experience. But I think it would be better if they just listen.
i think if you relate your past crisis with the solution that got you through it, and as long as it is relevent, then there may be a point in bringing it up, otherwise, don’t try to create sympathy for yourself by relating irrelevent past circumstances. then again, sometimes people don’t want advice, they just want a listening ear. whatever you do, don’t start your response to their dilemna with, “oh yeah, you think that’s bad….wait till you hear what i went through 10 years ago….” lol
its what guys do to other guys usually. I try to avoid the situation by asking other guys for advice. It usually just turns into a “well what happened to me was worse” competition
It does depends. My friends crisis might by more important.. It could help me.
But most likely I would want to hear what is going on with my friends too. If we could be sharing some encouraging words. If not may the LORD help us and give us guidance.
Comments (19)
i think a friend should listen to ur problem then if he/she doesn’t know what advice to give to me then they can tell me about their experience.
Well, I guess it would depend on how it was presented. If it was presented in Christian love as an example of how they got out of the crisis, it’s one thing. If it was presented to minimize your crisis with no help of solving it, that is completely wrong.
It depends. If they’ve listened FIRST to what I’ve said and THEN told me about THEIR situation to encourage or instruct me somehow, that’s ONE thing.
If they just use MY problems as a springboard to vent THEIR problems WITHOUT listening to me…..THAT is wrong.
And, there are times when ALL of us just need a listening ear!!!!
hmmm….well, if they are using their crisis or past crisis to use as an example of some sort to help with your crisis, then i think its ok…but if you came to them for help or greater understanding, then they should just listen to you and lend support. i have a freind that i have known since high school that can turn absolutely any conversation around into it being all about her, and i have to admit that it has put a strain on our friendship to a certain extent….and i rarely go to her with problems or issues anymore. it doesn’t matter how serious my own issue or problem might be….the conversation always turns around to being about her. this can be hard to deal with…..
I’d like to hear his or her problem, but only after I’ve told him or her mine, since I went to that person first, after all.
I remember once, I had cut the back of my heel on the bottom of a screen door and I went to a neighbor for a large bandaid, and she started telling me about how she’s had to learn not to stress out about so much as a way to tell me that I should take it easy — all I wanted was a band-aid! As the others have said, it depends on the situation and the person. I rarely go to anyone with my big heartaches anymore; too many experiences like nunyaincognito. I take it to the Lord.
It isn’t a very nice thing to do although we all want the other person to understand that we have empathy for their plight… which is why most of us do it… Sometimes our friends really just want to hear a there, there, it will be ok…
Well, don’t we all?
It’s not only alright it neccessary. Infact in my mind I have a little file that says ,”if and when that ever happens to me she or he will be who I first go to.”
It depends. If they listen first and the crisis is relevant to your crisis. Hearing about how they pulled through could be a huge help. If they just brush you off and start going on about their crisis then that isn’t a true friend.
I agree with mkgf ^^^^ … If they hear MY story and then they share something that they went through that can relate to my problem, I’m all for it — especially if they pulled through and are a living testament! How encouraging would that be. Blessings ~Carolyn
As long as the sharing doesn’t overshadow what you need to get from the talk, it’s good. Sometimes we just want someone to listen to what we need to share. We already know what to do with it, we just need to unload it.
Yes, it is.
There is a Fawlty Towers episode where Basil is as usual bemoaning himself when his wife reminds him to bear up because there is always someone somewhere who is worse off than him. Basil snaps, “Oh really? Well I’d like to meet him. I could use a laugh.”
Cool! You were a Mcmanager too! I was crew and worked my way up to first assistant manager, in fact that’s how I met my hubbie… he was my boss till we got together and then I had to transfer stores
whoopsie LOL. Anyway, yep my hubbie has been a Mcmanager for almost 15 years and has worked up to being an area supervisor ( the guy who is the boss of the head manager. Boy is he good at it too… I could never do his job!! …. of course he says he could never do mine either! (stay at home mom)
Were you a swing, salaried or head manager and for how long? Sure can be fun huh!!
Sometimes I find it helpful when others tell me of their experiences and how they dealt with their crisis. Sometimes I am able to apply the same method to my own problem. Hope you are having a great day!
Generally I would say just listen. Most people just want to be heard when in a crisis situation. There may be a time later to discuss your own “me too”, but personally, I would try to avoid it.
I have friends that do that to me. I just listen and hopefully learn something from their experience. But I think it would be better if they just listen.
i think if you relate your past crisis with the solution that got you through it, and as long as it is relevent, then there may be a point in bringing it up, otherwise, don’t try to create sympathy for yourself by relating irrelevent past circumstances. then again, sometimes people don’t want advice, they just want a listening ear. whatever you do, don’t start your response to their dilemna with, “oh yeah, you think that’s bad….wait till you hear what i went through 10 years ago….” lol
its what guys do to other guys usually. I try to avoid the situation by asking other guys for advice. It usually just turns into a “well what happened to me was worse” competition
It does depends.
My friends crisis might by more important..
It could help me.
But most likely I would want to hear what is going on with my friends too.
If we could be sharing some encouraging words.
If not may the LORD help us and give us guidance.
Have A GREAT Week!!! :0)