March 23, 2011
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Conflict
I’m appreciative of xanga and your comments. I learn about people. I enjoy it. One thing I’ve noticed is some people like to debate, while others would rather just hold their opinions. As a young man I avoided conflict, until I blew up. Now, I don’t really like it now but I see the value in conflict. It’s good as long as it has boundaries. An irrational argument goes no where. Name calling goes no where.
What’s your thoughts on conflict? Do you head straight into it or are you cautious? Are you more of a peacemaker and hate conflict? How do you fight?
Family Feud Question: What is the perfect age to marry? Comments put this between 25-30
Word of the Day – Billion
There are a hundred billion stars in each of the hundred billion galaxies.
PsalmsMy daughter Alicia went to China a few years ago to teach English. She climbed
the great wall. Here is a short video of her going down the Great Wall slide.
She played a joke on me yesterday. She called me at work and asked, “Is this
Randy?” Yes, “I was told to call you.” OoooK “A person told me to call you.”
(I get a lot of referrals.) And? “Remember, I was suppose to call you?” Refresh
my memory “A person told me that you’ld know where the city dumb was.” Is this
a practical joke – I said very cautiously. Alicia started laughing. She got my wife
also yesterday acting as a representative from the Medical Center. She said her organization
was collecting used feminine products, Did she have any? - Alicia is at my
older daughters house decorating the outside because it’s Kristina’s birthday.
Comments (58)
more of a peace maker
I stay away from conflict and drama on Xanga and in my life. I don’t need any of that. I am a lover not a fighter. As for the question, I was married at 19 and it was a mistake. Was married again in my mid 20s and I guess it wasn’t a mistake but that didn’t work out either. I guess marriage in the 30s is a wiser choice as most people know what they really want after 30.
I try to avoid conflict as much as possible, nobody wants to see the bad side of me.
@boricua_chic_2008 - Interesting – thanks.
@dmcx2010 - Peace – I like that.
@italianenginedoctor - LOL -
I like to give my opinion, but in a non-confrontational manner. Then again it depends on the conflict. You try to physically harm someone – or my dogs – and you will get conflict specifically directed at you.
I would rather not fit if things can be resolved in some other way. I am not afraid of conflict and will wade right in when I think I need too.
@C_L_O_G - Stand up when needed
i am a peaceful person and when i need to talk to a person about a issue……i choose my words and watch my tone of voice
but this week i experienced too much conflict so i broke up with a client hahahahah. she is not a peace maker…she wanted to challenge me so i told to f off . her loss
@nomilktoday - Sometimes it just has to be that way.
@RadioFreeAlbemuth - wisdom
@Randy7777 - You’re welcome!
no matter how sensitive you try to be in a situation ….the person will be the same…… arrogant and stubborn and blaming others for their mistakes. why wont they own up?
@Randy7777 - Exactly!
I am 77 and try to avoid conflict to a fault.
My wife and I married when we were 22 an 20 fifty-five years ago. I guess you could extrapolate from that that young marriages last longer. Have more fun?? Sometimes.
I absolutely hate conflict of any kind. I don’t mind civil debates, but they often deteriorate into name calling and bad feelings.
I prefer to get along. Those who argue needlessly to get attention, irritate me. Politics piss me off but I still keep quiet. FF Question… 32??
@armnatmom - Seems like in the 30′s is popular
@gottobereal64 - You’re right. I don’t mind an intelligent discussion but that doesn’t always happen with opposing views on xanga.
@ANVRSADDAY - I and my wife and were married in our early 20′s also. 55 years – that’s great.
@nomilktoday - Won’t own up because of immaturity.
As a rule, I am non-confrontational, but there are some things I cannot let pass. However, I make sure to stay on topic, rather than making any personal attacks.
FFQ: the age of maturity
@lanney - Staying on task – good thing to do. Some like taking you down a bunny trail.
I’m more of a peacemaker. I don’t like to fight.
i like debates, as long as they’re respectful.
Discussion is necessary, conflict is a burden.
25. that’s what I tell my kids. 25.
I’m a peacemaker all the way! What’s the point in fighting, it’s trashy and makes you look like a bad person. Now, I wont say I haven’t ever gotten into a fight. Everyone has. But I’m all about just resolving the problem, ignoring it, or just forgetting about it, whatever it takes to end it!
&& your last question, I don’t think there is a perfect age to marry, it’s all about if you’re in love or not. & I think any one at any age can be in love, but the thing I don’t get (even though I’m engaged, which scares me!) how do you know if you are in love now that you will be in love with that person for the REST of your life? It seems like divorces happen everyday, or people that has been together for so long break up. After all, feelings change. But I definitely don’t think getting married as a teenager would be the way to go, because when you’re that young you pretty much think anything’s possible, you’re in the moment, and what you feel then is going to be your feelings forever. I say this, because I wanted to get married when I was a teenager, and I’m still with the same guy, but we had a lot of things happen in our lives together that I never thought as a teenager would even happen. So our minds I don’t think are fully aware or there at that point.
The only time I really get into conflict is when someone is shoving thir beliefs, or trying to shove thier beliefs, down my throat. I will also fight back if I am cornered. I am more of a peacemaker and would rather work through things than fight. I avoid conflict unless I absolutely have to.
My oldest grand daughter, age 16, just asked me the same question about what I think is the perfect age to marry. I told her in her case that 30 would be a good age.
I lived in the Himilayan mountains for many years. Particularly a monk temple were I learned the ways of the Sumarai. As a warrior we fight for our ideals and in the end if our honnor is damaged, we commit suicide. No conflictt there its simply the easy way out.
@dude_this_world_sux - Respectful – that’s the key
@Shining_Garnet - cool
@ctaretz - So true
@hesacontradiction - That’s a good age to marry
@aprylg - You’re right feeling do change and I suspect many young people think love is a feeling. It may start with a feeling but it’s a commitment. I’m committed to my wife until death do us part - thanks for commenting
i never was one for conflict!
@The_Eyes_Of_A_Painter - I take it your honor wasn’t damaged.
@andreasiscrazy - With an xanga name as yours I wouldn’t guessed. -lol
I’m inclined to stay away from any form of conflict. I was married at 21…I’d say in this day it’s better to wait until 25 or older…
I am a peacemaker, but if need be, I can be assertive. :~)
@Veronica_Leigh - Thanks
@dingdongdingbat - Thanks for commenting.
It depends. I like to have the kind of debates with people where you learn things. I’m teaching that class right now and I can’t remember what you call it. Philosophical argument kind. Those are good, if both parties are mature and can abstain from name calling and word twisting. But I know there are times when I need to keep my mouth shut. I tend to keep quiet when I know my views are radically different just because I don’t want to blatantly upset people, which tends to happen in those cases.
Oh. My apologies for double posting- on the marriage thing, I have no idea. I figure I’ll know when I get there. I’d like to finish school and get a job first. And I know that at 23, I’m not there yet!
Dear Randy,
First of all I want to thank you for your friend request and for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. I’ve been a Xangan for a long time, but I frequently take hiatuses. I do try to return all comments at one time or another, so my apologies for not having dropped by to return the comment sooner. (I treat comments like we used to treat “letters” in the old days.)
I don’t like to force conflict. One thing I’ve learned as I age is that nothing is necessarily right or wrong. I do have a moral compass, and I like to practice common sense. I believe in good over evil, and in tolerance over bullheaded opinionating. Most people who “engage” in conflict do so because they get a rush out of it. They talk “at” someone rather than with them. When someone else is talking, they are thinking about what they are going to say next. On the internet, commenters who just spout their “talking points” over and over are merely copy/pasting their agenda, and no amount of reason will stop them.
By the way, for the most part, I stay away from those bloggers, and they don’t necessarily visit my blog. Which is good.
I read over a few of the entries on this page. I’d recommend Southern California. Click my PhotoPost tag on my blog and check out some of my cheerleading for the Los Angeles area, where I’ve lived all my life. You mention Disneyland and San Diego. I’m going to visit the U.S.S. Midway docked in S.D. as a museum as soon as I can for an upcoming photo expedition. I grew up going to Disneyland, and try to get in a visit every two or three years. There are lots of theme parks, a mix of restaurants worthy of a world class city, and all the beaches and mountains you could possbily want. (Within 50 miles of each other. I like to take day trips sometimes from the mountains to the sea.)
Nice to “meet” you. And thanks again for the visit and comment.
Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool
There’s a Great Wall slide? I never knew. We were both married at 20. Kind of young, but it’s lasted 53 years so far.
I will fight my own corner if i have to but in general I will try to keep the peace. I will put in my point of view on a debate but wont keep justifying it, I tell once and thats it.
I don’t walk way from it and I try never to start it… now saying that there are a few people that live for it well those are the ones I do walk away from because that is what they live for you see them on here all the time no use fueling their obsession.
Depends on the subject.
I like to listen and talk things out when I have a conflict with someone. As you said, yelling or name calling or silence gets you no where fast. I am a peacemaker and always try to see things from the other’s perspective.
Perfect age to marry? At least 25..after premarital counselling and at least 3 years dating before marriage!
Christy
@greatredwoman - Seems like 25 is a favorite age. #1 answer in the xanga poll -lol
When I want to motivate people, I use conflict.
When conflict approaches me, I am a peacemaker.
That works well for me.
the way i see it… this site welcomes both agreement and conflict… and i like it for both those reasons..
debate and conflict are some of the best ways to realize things about yourself, open your eyes to other points of view and see flaws in your own opinions/arguments
@TruckersAreTheBlood – I think we should be slow to form an opinion on a subject. I’ve found I usually don’t get it right the first time.
@McScarry - That’s funny you’ld say that. I had to use a lot of conflict on the bus tonight. I had a lot of disruptive kids and I had to shake their world in order to get order.
@greatredwoman - 25 seems to be the preferred age. I agree.
@baldmike2004 - I’d love to see pictures of the USS Midway. They made my ship a museum – USS Kitty Hawk – It’s in Washington state.