March 22, 2011
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Complements?
There are times I want to complement someone but refrained in fear of what could have been perceived. There are ladies that I’ll tell them I like their new hair style because it’s just that. I sometimes wonder if we live in a super sensitive society or if I’m just too sensitive. I’ve gone on some xanga sites and didn’t comment because I didn’t want to be perceived with a wrong intention. I’m happily married and never want that questioned.
Should guys give gals compliments without regard to perception? Or should guys always be careful when giving complements to avoid the wrong message being sent. Too sensitive?
Ladies: Compliment from a guy – What is your first impression?
Family Feud Question: What is the perfect age to marry?
The above picture is when we dedicated Alisha & Austin. We celebrated their adoption. Alisha is a great runner. She loves being a waitress at Yesterdays and wants to wear her bedroom slippers to school. -lolWord of the Day – Impugn
Do you impugn the news media or do you believe them?
Psalms
Comments (62)
I don’t think anything of it unless they make it sound like they are interested in me which is why they said whatever they said to me. Like if they say something like, “You look good I wanna get to know you”, that right there tells me they want more than just compliment me. If someone just said, “You look good” or “You are pretty”, then that’s ok to me, it doesn’t mean anything other than just them noticing something about my looks. I think some women may be that conceited that they think every guy wants something else with them. I don’t think like that at all.
I think it depends on the man giving the complement. If he is a friend, a complement would be welcome (as long as it was of an appropriate nature, as I am sure yours would have been). Complements by a stranger however, I would be suspicious of.
I like it when I get a compliment like I like your hair or wow that it s cool shirt, I can tell when a guy is being honest or just being fresh most gals can… and you can tell when a guy is respectful about it or not …I think compliments are a good thing
Here’s the thing. If you were to (for instance) tell someone like me that I am amazingly beautiful, I don’t think anyone would look twice. (This is not an advertisement for “tell LKJ Slain that she’s gorgeous,” please, I’m just using the closest example to home haha) But, I always worry, when I stumble onto xanga sites where a girl is taking photos of herself half naked, or topless, and there are “supposedly married” Christian men saying “You’re so beautiful,” etc etc… What the heck are they doing there in the first place? This is not how a christian man is to conduct himself, by telling a lewd person that they’re gorgeous on the internet! It would be entirely different if this man (And his wife) were both aware of said person and they were trying to reach out to her TOGETHER. What bothers me most about these men that I see is the secrecy. Their wives do not know about it, and I would have a hard time believing that they are there to show the love of Christ. I personally think that it’s very sad. I’m not the kind of person who would be like “HEY, GIVE ME YOUR WIFE’S NUMBER, I’m going to tell on you!” But, at the same time, I’ve asked a few of them what they were doing.
I wouldn’t think anything of it if you complimented women who were not here to sell/show their bodies.
nah just do it. most people can tell if it’s sincere or not.
At my age compliments are pretty rare.. Since I don’t get very many, I’ll take any I get and not mind at all..
Complimenting a woman many times can be perceived as flirting. So, its a pretty fine line. I always say that when someone flirts be it man or woman, they are leaving a door wide open and someone sooner or later is likely to walk in.
I agree with @yang1815 - just do it and don’t even wonder what’s going on in their head; too confusing.
When a guy compliment me, I have an idea where he’s coming from. Most of my compliments come from while I’m in church. I know the guy and his wife… There have been some guys who over do it. I don’t buy into what they say. I try to avoid them.
I try to compliment guys in a positive manner. Whether the guy is married or not, I have no intend to flirt with them. It’s all in “how” we speak and our body language. People can get the wrong impression.
I receive a lot of compliments about my appearance both from men and women. It’s nice to hear good words about ourselves. It brings a good feeling.
@Journaling_Susan - Thanks – I appreciate your comments.
@boricua_chic_2008 - There are some ladies that think guys “think like that” all the time. It’s simply not true. Thanks for your comment.
@wearywalden - I heard a good word this weekend: “If a new friend becomes your best friend be careful.” I think it’s what you’re saying about strangers.
@Randy7777 - You’re welcome! Yeah, I know what you mean.
@SisterMae - Thanks – I had to chuckle when you said that girls just know – The problem is that gals don’t let the guys know what they know -lol
@LKJSlain - I’m glad you said that. I wish that xanga would stay “G” rating. I really do. I value purity so much as much as a value a clean windshield going down the road. If I take in the filth I can’t see anything. Thanks for speaking up because Christians do need to be held accountable. I appreciate your comment.
@yang1815 - Thanks
@dingdongdingbat - I like your sense of humor – it’s beautiful – how’s that?
@The_Eyes_Of_A_Painter - Good word. I suspect we need to check our heart motives.
@nov_way - LOL -
Most of my best friends are guys and I don’t even look at these guys in a sexual way they are friends One of my grandest friends Bill is a big huge strong guy and for some reason he likes to tote me around and his wife Jerri is so funny she will say Bill put Mae down she isn’t a cat. Jerri knows we are friends and have been friends since we were kids growing up… The funniest thing he every said to me was when we all went to Prom and he smiled and said hey you are a girl…and Jerri said something like Bill you are so stupid sometimes we all got a big giggle out of it. I guess I don’t think like others do
So long as they’re sincere and not some cheesy pick-up line.
I’ve had that conflict too. I pick and choose when I say something. I also try to word it in such a way that shows I’m not saying the compliment just to hit on her or whatever.
@Roadlesstaken - True – I really don’t want to even be thought of going down that road.
@armnatmom - Sincerity – thanks
@SisterMae - That’s great friendship.
I’m of the opinion that my friends, know I’m happily married and thus if I give a compliment, it is just that–no ulterior motive. So, I just compliment and don’t worry about it. IF it were to be misunderstood, I’d correct the misunderstanding.
compliment
@Randy7777 - I like that quote, it definitely gets the same point across
I always take complements on face value and, like you, I don’t want to be misunderstood when giving them or just being friendly for that matter. But you’re right; some people are too sensitive, requiring reassurances and clarifications from time to time. I have a friend at work, for instance, who is such a pretty woman that she’s fairly used to being hit on to the point of going on defensive every time a guy pays her a simple compliment or is friendly to her. She was even leery of my husband, who works with me, until she slowly realized that he was friendly to everyone and was not in any way singling her out but got really nevervous when another male co-worker, Keith, (same shop, also married) tried to have a friendly conversation with her. I actually saw her freeze up around him. Then when he left the room she asked, “He’s married isn’t he? He wasn’t flirting with me was he?” I told her he wasn’t… that he’d never been a flirt even before he got married and that she shouldn’t worry about him so she didn’t after that. She’s learned little by little that her co-workers in general are not flirting with her. They’re only being friendly. That’s just the sort of work environment we have. Everyone is like family. Right from the beginning everyone is welcoming.
Don’t ever give up being friendly just because some people are nervous about it. They’ll get used to you eventually.
Side note: The surest sign most women can rely on that a guy is on the make is how honest they are or not about their shortcomings and insecurity. A guy who openly admits these is clearly not on the make. Those that lie about what and who they are and who claim an interest only after the object of their interest declares do so in order to make themselves look like a better potential mate and therefore is usually on the make. The compliments he dishes out hardly matter so long as they’re honest. What he says about himself is what matters.
@Randy7777 - Watch for widening pupils. It’s a sign of affection. Watch for “accidental” touches and slight deepening of the natural lip and cheek color (assuming she isn’t wearing make up there just to similate this). It’s a sign of serious physical attraction. If you don’t want to get involved in anything that might compromise your existing relationships, back off if you see the latter. The former is simply platonic unless combined with the latter. These are dead giveaways. People don’t do them on purpose except in the use of makeup and even then they probably don’t realize that’s its original intent.
I don’t mind compliments
I used to have a very difficult time accepting them, but I am slowly getting better at it. I also like to compliment people too.
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Hmmmm, probably depends how well you know the person. But it won’t come off as a pick-up line as long as it’s sincere and not like “nice hair, let’s make babies!”
I say TY and think that mn who compliment a lady in my age group are being respectful and nice.
It’s great if you can complement a woman, but that can be rather difficult. On the other hand, it’s not too hard to compliment her
I don’t mind compliments. I feel like dingdongbat.
I don’t fish for them, I don’t think. 
Way too many I’s in this comment. Here’s another one. I hope you have a great day!
when a guy compliments me im like “barf whatever” haha you lying whatever and shrug it off
sometimes girls take it seriously as if you are hitting on them and these girls have big heads ergghh
@nomilktoday - Thanks - I like your sense of humor.
@mcbery - IoI – You have a great day as well
@Ampbreia - Thank you for the great response. I really appreciate it. You study body language. I need to learn that.
@a_drunken_cellist - best of times; worst of times
@tymedancer - TY
@eatandrant - LOL – Thanks
@Cestovatelka - I also have a hard time accepting complements – wonder why that is?
My favorite compliment is to tell a gal she looks smashing! I’m trying to be less careful about censoring myself.
I like this post and am glad you wrote it
I agree with sandra ( boricua_chic) I don’t have a problem if it’s from a married man and he is talking about my writing or something not related to my looks, but if it’s something that could be taken as flirting, I would rather not receive it. I also try to guard myself against private messages from guys in relationships already or who are married, unless I can be sure they are acting fatherly or grandfatherly towards me.
I would take a compliment like “I like your hair style” or “nice sweater” from a married man w/ out thinking about. If it would be more personal than that it might make me feel weird. lol.
@vexations - Interesting
@JulieDeer - Thanks – I appreciate your comments. Sometimes we don’t know what another person is thinking.
@writersblock02 - Thanks for commenting. -good insight.
I never compliment guys at this point, so I see what you’re saying there. If a guy complimented me I’d probably assume he was trying to work his way into my pants. And I’m only saying that based off of personal experience. There’s never been an innocent compliment, at least not from the opposite sex.
But I do compliment women daily.
just do it if you really think they deserve to get your complements (: just sometimes picking the nicest and most appropriate words is hard. My first impression is just no feeling. Well, depends on who complements me lol.. it’s just like “oh really? thank you so much”
@fabolousclown - Thanks
i think everyone likes to receive compliments, even if they make them slightly uncomfortable in some cases. you just have to be sure to separate niceness and sexuality, i guess (i can’t think of a better way to phrase that, i hope you understand what i mean.)
oh, and as for marriage, i don’t think age matters, i think stability does. financial and emotional. if you don’t, at least one of you, hold a steady job, marriage will be that much more difficult. and you shouldn’t get married just for emotional support.
Now, you see Randy, that’s a good question. Actually, it’s both – sometimes we’re too sensitive and sometimes the others are that way. There is a way to compliment somebody from the opposite sex. Body language, choice of words etc matter. If you like someone’s haircut, you could just say, “Hullo miss, you’ve got a great hairstyle! Could you please tell me where did you get that from? My sister/daughter would love to get something like that!” Don’t go on admiring the way some people do “It really suits your face shape and makes your features stand out.” – that’s a no – no. After you’re done saying that, observe her reaction. It will vary from person to person depending upon their age. Stand at a good arm’s length and don’t smile or move your body too much. If the other person answers your question, say thank you and leave. If the other person doesn’t reply for a minute, you should leave. Always be polite and a bit formal while giving a compliment to the opposite sex. And observe the person before you talk to them. You’ll be safer.
As for marriage, age doesn’t really matter unless you want to start a family and all. For me, it’s around 26 – 30
@AasthaKathy - Thanks for the good comment. Politeness goes a long way.
@Randy7777 - It does. Indeed.
@AasthaKathy - Thanks
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